Three Random Pet Peeves, #1

Longs Peak Peek and A Crane on Coot Lake. Boulder County, Colorado, 2016

Hmmm…Maybe I should start a collection of random pet peeves?

Well, here are three to kick off the series:

1 – Dog shit bags left by the trail. Folks around here hike with their dogs. No problem, I love dogs. I often stop and pet them. The vast majority of dogs are cool. But why, oh why, do some dog owners pick up the dog poop with a bag (so far, so good) but then leave the petite package sitting by the side of the trail to bake in the high altitude sun? I have to assume they think they will come back that same way and pack it out–but too often it is forgotten and so it just sits there, abandoned, contents gooey, goopy and broiling. Please, carry out your dog’s shit! (Or–great idea here–put a pack on your dog and have him/her carry it out themselves!)

2 – Fewer versus less. A sign by the checkout registers at the local King Soopers supermarket says, “15 Items or Less”. This is incorrect. It should say, “15 Items or Fewer”. Why? Well, here is the rule o’ thumb: when dealing with a fixed, singular, quantity of something, or something you think of as a singular contained unit, use “less”. When dealing with multiple items, or items understood to not be in a singular package, use “fewer”. Examples…

–My car uses fewer gallons of gasoline than yours. Or, my car uses less gasoline than yours.

–There were fewer people at the meeting this week.

–It costs less money…you spend fewer dollars.

–Beware apparent exceptions…I have less than $500. In this case the $500 is seen as a single unit. Though, if you were talking about the bills as multiple items (plural), you could say, “I have fewer than six 100 dollar bills”.

–I can help you at this register if you have fewer than 15 items!

–And so on.

3 – Air conditioning in stores and supermarkets in summer. We are approaching summertime and the mercury is climbing to new highs every day–so break out the jackets! Say what!? Doesn’t that sound a bit weird? It isn’t, really. Try walking in to the many, many stores, shops, supermarkets, offices, etc. in which the A/C is cranked down to Antarctic penguin levels. You walk in out of that fierce summer sun and you find you need to immediately put on a jacket before Happy Hypo T (hypothermia) steals your life and soul. It makes absolutely no sense when you consider that these same businesses are likely looking for ways to cut costs. It also makes no sense when you consider the fossil fuels that are burned to generate the electricity for that A/C. So, hey, why not turn up the thermostat a couple of degrees in summer!

Why do businesses do this? I have two theories…

First Theory: Cold A/C symbolizes the first world, modernity, and class. As in, “Yes, we have nice, cold, air conditioning–nothing but the best for our customers!”

Second Theory: As a general rule, the current crop of Americans are so highly blubber-endowed, they actually need that extra-cool A/C to avoid overheating–kind of like how arctic seals and walruses are treated at Sea World in San Antonio, Texas.

Anyone out there feel the same? Did I miss the mark on anything? What are your pet peeves, Jeeves?